Post by Cindy on May 24, 2015 14:31:20 GMT -5
I've often wondered just when I was saved. I finally decided that I'd just go with when I was in my late 30's since that's when my life changed. Now however, after much study and prayer, and speaking with a godly pastor I realize that I was actually saved as a young child! I have no idea how I knew about God then, as my parents were atheists and never spoke about Him, but I did. I not only knew about God, I knew Jesus and I loved Him with all my heart. I used to think of Him as my "secret friend". But I didn't really start to learn about Him till I was about 11 and a neighbor began taking me to church with their kids who were my friends. I loved it, and fell even deeper in love with the Lord.
I was 12 before my mom would even consider getting me a bible, and then she only got me a children's bible. I devoured that very quickly and begged for a "real" one, and she finally gave in. I devoured that one too, from Genesis to Revelation and knew it very well. I studied it all the time, just like I do now. The only problem was that I didn't have anyone to talk to about it or explain anything to me except for God and I didn't know that He would back then. I understood a great deal of what the bible said, but I got one major thing wrong. I thought that when we were saved, all our sins were forgiven up to that point, and that we were responsible for them after that. That isn't totally off base, because we are responsible to confess them and turn from then once we're saved, but I didn't know that we could still be forgiven them.
So after trying through my teenage years to "be good" and obey God" and failing miserably, I thought I was going to go to Hell. I was devastated and could hardly stand the thought of not being with my Jesus. At the same time though, I knew that was what I deserved, and I wasn't angry about it, just sad. I was also confused about my mother who didn't believe in God, much less in obeying Him. She never stopped me from going to church, but in order to keep me from being polluted by church, (in her mind) she tried to get me interested in other things like Ouija boards, tarot cards and eastern or Gnostic religions and the occult. She told me stories about her mother who had been very involved with the occult, and did all she could to turn me, without me knowing that was what she was doing. The problem for me was that I knew beyond doubt that my mother loved me and would never, ever purposely do anything to harm me. I knew she wanted what was best for me. But her ways were the opposite of God's ways, so besides believing I'd go to hell at that time, I also became confused because I couldn't understand how my mother and so many others could be so wrong about everything. Weren't they supposed to be teaching me and guiding me? After all, they were my elders and had a lot more experience than I did. Finally, as a young adult, I just gave up. I knew I couldn't possibly be good enough for God or live according to His laws, so what was the point in constantly beating myself up about it? Little by little, I stopped reading my bible, although I did continue to go to church every Sunday, partly because I loved it and partly because I wanted my kids to go to heaven. I stopped praying every day too and soon the only prayers I said were when I was in big trouble and needed help. I got further into the occult and the new age stuff and so I lived most of my adult life as it continued to spiral down hill.
Finally, by the time I was in my late 30's, my life was a total wreck. I desperately needed help and I wanted answers. I knew enough to know that the only real truth could be found in the Bible, so that was where I turned, to the Bible and prayer. I pleaded with the Lord to help me, to show me what to do, and to show me why I couldn't be good enough for Him. I kept thinking about Peter and the other disciples and how they changed so much and lived victoriously after Jesus was resurrected. I felt like there had to be something I was missing because if they could change like that, then I should be able to as well-and yet I couldn't. What was the reason? What changed them? I immersed myself in my bible, and I started reading other Christian books as well including "Satan is alive and well on planet earth" by Hal Lindsey. While reading that book, Hal explained the gospel in it, and the light went on, and I understood!!!! He explained that ALL my sins were paid for on the cross, past, present and future!!!! My soul rejoiced and I cried and prayed and cried some more as I realized that I was saved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That He loved me too! That I didn't have to be "good enough" for Him!!!! That He took me as I was!!!! Oh the glory of that moment!!! Time stood still and when it started again my whole world and my whole life was changed. Instantly.
Ever since that moment, my life has been filled with joy. Oh yes, there have been many times that I had problems and that I had to deal with grief and heartache, as well as all the normal day to day problems everyone has, as well as chronic pain. It wasn't an easy road to get my life turned around and put onto the right track, and I don't mean to imply that it was. Beneath it all however was a joy that has never left me. Joy that one day I will see my Savior face to face and that I will get to spend Eternity with Him! That joy is my strength even now and I know it always will be no matter what comes. People may fail me, loved ones may hurt me, problems will come, but Jesus will never leave me and that joy is there, deep in my soul.
For many years now I've assumed that that moment was when I was really saved, but I don't believe that anymore. I understand now that I was actually saved when I was a child, but Satan did to me what he does to so many of us. He made me doubt my salvation by causing me to think that being saved was contingent on something I had to do. In other words, I thought it was my works, my being good that saved me, not God's love and mercy. That's one of the hallmarks of Satan. He knows all about pride and how we tend to think that everything revolves around us somehow. He knows we all want to think we're very important. He knows that we've all been hurt by loved ones and therefore we don't trust others completely, and it's easy for him to get us to transfer that lack of trust, that doubt, that worry and fear, to God as well.
As a child, I was unable to understand that after we are saved by God, our works come naturally because of our salvation. The works themselves don't save us, they don't make God love us more, or desire us more. When we fail in something and sin, like I did so often (like we all do) it doesn't cause God to stop loving us, or wanting us, and it doesn't cause Him to throw us out of Heaven, or make our salvation null and void. If it did, NO ONE would be saved!!!!! But that didn't occur to me then. As I got older, after I'd given up on my own salvation, I began to realize that no one lived the way God said to, so to me they were all a bunch of hypocrites. In all my life, going to church every Sunday, I only met a few people who actually lived their faith and were different then other people. God made sure that the memory of them stuck in my mind too. But at the time, I simply told myself that they were just faking it, and couldn't be real. Now I know though that they really were saved, and God brought them into my life to show me that He could give us the power to live the way He wants us to. Oh, we'll still sin, but we can confess our sins and be forgiven and start over every day.
When we doubt our salvation, that causes us to not live for Him, and to constantly slide back into our old ways. It will cause us to stop reading our bibles and stop praying too. Oh we might read it once in a while, and might pray when things are so bad that it would take a miracle to help us, but we give up our relationship with the Lord. The relationship is still there, because God is still with us, holding us, even as we squirm to get away and refuse to recognize Him like a petulant child. We're just like a child that refuses to talk to their parents or do anything other than sit and pout in our room.
When we doubt our salvation, Satan makes it so that we're totally useless to God and makes sure that we waste our time here, since we can't live for Him and doubt Him at the same time. So all those adult years of my life were wasted because I lived for myself and glorified myself during those years and not Him. At least until I finally turned to Him with ALL my heart and begged to know Him, not just for Him to fix my life. When I say those years were wasted, I mean they were wasted as far as me using them to glorify God. However, God did not waste those years of my life. Instead, He used them to bring good out of them and bring glory to His Name. He did that by never leaving me and knowing the exact time I'd be ready to hear Him again, and learn the full Truth that would set me free. He used those years to form me into the person I am today. Today I know that I'm saved, clean, and will spend eternity with my Lord and that no one, not even me, can ever take me out of His Hands!
Satan made me fall once, but he didn't win the next battle. Because within about 3 years after I realized I was saved, and my relationship with the Lord had grown and prospered, I was in an accident that caused me to be completely disabled. Satan wanted me out of the picture. He most definitely did not want me to live for the Lord! This time though, I turned to my God and He helped me continue to live for Him even through the physical pain and the emotional turmoil the disability caused me. By then I knew what I had to do, and nothing would make me put down my bible, or stop praying, or stop worshiping Him. In fact, being disabled just gave me even more time for all those things which were more important to me than anything else anyway. By looking back on my life though, I can see how Satan worked and I know he does that to everyone. If he can't stop someone from being saved, then he tries his best to see that they don't live for the Lord and that their witness is worthless to Him because instead of being victors, they're victims. Every moment Satan can get us to doubt our salvation is a moment that's lost for living for God. Satan knows that the best way that a person can know they are saved for sure is by studying God's Word and praying to him. As John tells us: “I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life.” (1 John 5:13)
I was 12 before my mom would even consider getting me a bible, and then she only got me a children's bible. I devoured that very quickly and begged for a "real" one, and she finally gave in. I devoured that one too, from Genesis to Revelation and knew it very well. I studied it all the time, just like I do now. The only problem was that I didn't have anyone to talk to about it or explain anything to me except for God and I didn't know that He would back then. I understood a great deal of what the bible said, but I got one major thing wrong. I thought that when we were saved, all our sins were forgiven up to that point, and that we were responsible for them after that. That isn't totally off base, because we are responsible to confess them and turn from then once we're saved, but I didn't know that we could still be forgiven them.
So after trying through my teenage years to "be good" and obey God" and failing miserably, I thought I was going to go to Hell. I was devastated and could hardly stand the thought of not being with my Jesus. At the same time though, I knew that was what I deserved, and I wasn't angry about it, just sad. I was also confused about my mother who didn't believe in God, much less in obeying Him. She never stopped me from going to church, but in order to keep me from being polluted by church, (in her mind) she tried to get me interested in other things like Ouija boards, tarot cards and eastern or Gnostic religions and the occult. She told me stories about her mother who had been very involved with the occult, and did all she could to turn me, without me knowing that was what she was doing. The problem for me was that I knew beyond doubt that my mother loved me and would never, ever purposely do anything to harm me. I knew she wanted what was best for me. But her ways were the opposite of God's ways, so besides believing I'd go to hell at that time, I also became confused because I couldn't understand how my mother and so many others could be so wrong about everything. Weren't they supposed to be teaching me and guiding me? After all, they were my elders and had a lot more experience than I did. Finally, as a young adult, I just gave up. I knew I couldn't possibly be good enough for God or live according to His laws, so what was the point in constantly beating myself up about it? Little by little, I stopped reading my bible, although I did continue to go to church every Sunday, partly because I loved it and partly because I wanted my kids to go to heaven. I stopped praying every day too and soon the only prayers I said were when I was in big trouble and needed help. I got further into the occult and the new age stuff and so I lived most of my adult life as it continued to spiral down hill.
Finally, by the time I was in my late 30's, my life was a total wreck. I desperately needed help and I wanted answers. I knew enough to know that the only real truth could be found in the Bible, so that was where I turned, to the Bible and prayer. I pleaded with the Lord to help me, to show me what to do, and to show me why I couldn't be good enough for Him. I kept thinking about Peter and the other disciples and how they changed so much and lived victoriously after Jesus was resurrected. I felt like there had to be something I was missing because if they could change like that, then I should be able to as well-and yet I couldn't. What was the reason? What changed them? I immersed myself in my bible, and I started reading other Christian books as well including "Satan is alive and well on planet earth" by Hal Lindsey. While reading that book, Hal explained the gospel in it, and the light went on, and I understood!!!! He explained that ALL my sins were paid for on the cross, past, present and future!!!! My soul rejoiced and I cried and prayed and cried some more as I realized that I was saved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That He loved me too! That I didn't have to be "good enough" for Him!!!! That He took me as I was!!!! Oh the glory of that moment!!! Time stood still and when it started again my whole world and my whole life was changed. Instantly.
Ever since that moment, my life has been filled with joy. Oh yes, there have been many times that I had problems and that I had to deal with grief and heartache, as well as all the normal day to day problems everyone has, as well as chronic pain. It wasn't an easy road to get my life turned around and put onto the right track, and I don't mean to imply that it was. Beneath it all however was a joy that has never left me. Joy that one day I will see my Savior face to face and that I will get to spend Eternity with Him! That joy is my strength even now and I know it always will be no matter what comes. People may fail me, loved ones may hurt me, problems will come, but Jesus will never leave me and that joy is there, deep in my soul.
For many years now I've assumed that that moment was when I was really saved, but I don't believe that anymore. I understand now that I was actually saved when I was a child, but Satan did to me what he does to so many of us. He made me doubt my salvation by causing me to think that being saved was contingent on something I had to do. In other words, I thought it was my works, my being good that saved me, not God's love and mercy. That's one of the hallmarks of Satan. He knows all about pride and how we tend to think that everything revolves around us somehow. He knows we all want to think we're very important. He knows that we've all been hurt by loved ones and therefore we don't trust others completely, and it's easy for him to get us to transfer that lack of trust, that doubt, that worry and fear, to God as well.
As a child, I was unable to understand that after we are saved by God, our works come naturally because of our salvation. The works themselves don't save us, they don't make God love us more, or desire us more. When we fail in something and sin, like I did so often (like we all do) it doesn't cause God to stop loving us, or wanting us, and it doesn't cause Him to throw us out of Heaven, or make our salvation null and void. If it did, NO ONE would be saved!!!!! But that didn't occur to me then. As I got older, after I'd given up on my own salvation, I began to realize that no one lived the way God said to, so to me they were all a bunch of hypocrites. In all my life, going to church every Sunday, I only met a few people who actually lived their faith and were different then other people. God made sure that the memory of them stuck in my mind too. But at the time, I simply told myself that they were just faking it, and couldn't be real. Now I know though that they really were saved, and God brought them into my life to show me that He could give us the power to live the way He wants us to. Oh, we'll still sin, but we can confess our sins and be forgiven and start over every day.
When we doubt our salvation, that causes us to not live for Him, and to constantly slide back into our old ways. It will cause us to stop reading our bibles and stop praying too. Oh we might read it once in a while, and might pray when things are so bad that it would take a miracle to help us, but we give up our relationship with the Lord. The relationship is still there, because God is still with us, holding us, even as we squirm to get away and refuse to recognize Him like a petulant child. We're just like a child that refuses to talk to their parents or do anything other than sit and pout in our room.
When we doubt our salvation, Satan makes it so that we're totally useless to God and makes sure that we waste our time here, since we can't live for Him and doubt Him at the same time. So all those adult years of my life were wasted because I lived for myself and glorified myself during those years and not Him. At least until I finally turned to Him with ALL my heart and begged to know Him, not just for Him to fix my life. When I say those years were wasted, I mean they were wasted as far as me using them to glorify God. However, God did not waste those years of my life. Instead, He used them to bring good out of them and bring glory to His Name. He did that by never leaving me and knowing the exact time I'd be ready to hear Him again, and learn the full Truth that would set me free. He used those years to form me into the person I am today. Today I know that I'm saved, clean, and will spend eternity with my Lord and that no one, not even me, can ever take me out of His Hands!
Satan made me fall once, but he didn't win the next battle. Because within about 3 years after I realized I was saved, and my relationship with the Lord had grown and prospered, I was in an accident that caused me to be completely disabled. Satan wanted me out of the picture. He most definitely did not want me to live for the Lord! This time though, I turned to my God and He helped me continue to live for Him even through the physical pain and the emotional turmoil the disability caused me. By then I knew what I had to do, and nothing would make me put down my bible, or stop praying, or stop worshiping Him. In fact, being disabled just gave me even more time for all those things which were more important to me than anything else anyway. By looking back on my life though, I can see how Satan worked and I know he does that to everyone. If he can't stop someone from being saved, then he tries his best to see that they don't live for the Lord and that their witness is worthless to Him because instead of being victors, they're victims. Every moment Satan can get us to doubt our salvation is a moment that's lost for living for God. Satan knows that the best way that a person can know they are saved for sure is by studying God's Word and praying to him. As John tells us: “I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life.” (1 John 5:13)
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