I wanted something so I did something sinful to get it. It worked. Now I am plagued by guilt and fear. I have confessed my sin and now I am trying to move on, but I don't want to give up what my sinfulness got for me. Sometimes, like when Moses struck the rock God still sent the water, and maybe that's what he did with me, but I shudder to think what my inability to enter the promised land will entail.